Open any article on networking, and you’ll find a laundry list of benefits: higher salaries, more promotions, and new opportunities.
There’s a lot of great advice out there on networking, but too much of it ignores the problem of social burnout. How can we connect when we’re already feeling exhausted, frustrated, and detached?
One of my favorite articles on networking comes in the form of advice for working parents by the author David Burkus. Why? Because it acknowledges the limits of time and energy we all face. Among my favorite tips:
Focus on dormant ties instead of new ones. It can be tiring and difficult to meet new people, especially during busy seasons in your life. An underappreciated alternative is to refresh your dormant contacts – old friends and former colleagues you haven’t spoken with in a while. A short note, brief hello, or shared article can refresh these relationships quickly.
Use business travel wisely. If you’re already traveling for work, take the time to look up who else will be there too, and reach out ahead of time. You’ll be there anyway, and a few scheduled conversations will use your energy better than milling about.
Move beyond kid stuff when talking to parent friends. As Burkus writes, “Research on social networks suggests that your most valuable connections come from people with whom you share multiple contexts. So examining non-kid interests, hobbies, and even work can lead to a stronger bond and more reasons to stay connected.” These connections might not be in your industry, but their outsider insights can still be valuable.
And what if you find yourself thrown in the middle of a big reception or formal networking event? My own interviews and research point to three steps you can take to avoid social burnout:
Step 1: Turn ensembles into duets. The cacophony of a networking event can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel like you’re supposed to speak with everyone. Instead, focus on one or two people, and have longer, in-depth conversations with them. You’ll leave with fewer business cards, but stronger connections.
Step 2: Go horizontal instead of vertical. It’s tempting to try and target the highest-status person in the room. But those conversations can be harried, stressful, and forgettable. Instead of looking up, look for peers who are in the same career stage as you. You’ll have more in common, making lasting connections more likely.
Step 3: Focus on stories. Avoid yes/no questions that feel like an interrogation. Instead, ask your conversation partner to share a story or share one yourself. We’re hard-wired for storytelling, which prompts our curiosity and energizes our emotions.
And finally, it’s completely OK to skip the networking event altogether. Brian Uzzi of Northwestern University notes in a classic article that networking events tend to be too shallow to forge meaningful connections. Instead, you’re better off participating in shared activities together. As Uzzi puts it: “Potent networks are not forged through casual interactions but through relatively high-stakes activities that connect you with diverse others.”
If social burnout makes connecting feel impossible, remember: social sustainability doesn’t mean withdrawing completely. It means finding connections that energize you rather than drain you.