Four rules for less exhausting meetings

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I have on my desktop a pile of statistics documenting the misery of meetings. They’re expensive. They take up a lot of time. They stop us from doing the work we actually have to do.

But beyond these complaints is a different problem I think we overlook. Bad meetings = bad relationships. When we dislike the thing we’re doing, we’re more likely to dislike the people involved, too. An unpleasant weekly zoom meeting isn’t just a time waster. It poisons the social well.

As Steven Rogelberg, professor and author of The Surprising Science of Meetings, writes: “Meetings are not in and of themselves problematic. What we need to rid ourselves of are bad meetings.” The best meetings help us get our work done, but also build connection along the way.

1. Skip the camera. In an experiment tracking employees over four weeks, researchers found that camera-on video calls are exhausting. Employees focus on how they look, leaving them fatigued. Personally, I find staring into a sea of black boxes on a screen pretty exhausting too, which is why I’ve taken to spending more time on the other camera-free option: A phone call. Phone calls let us connect without feeling tethered to a screen. You can move while you speak, which actually helps with focus.

2. Shrink the group, but ask for input. Small groups are better than large groups in most ways. They reduce social loafing. They’re more efficient. They help with accountability. The one social danger of a small group is that some people might feel excluded. The best solution, as Rogelberg recommends, is to seek advice ahead of time from people who might have wanted an invite. We tend to like it when people seek our advice – it makes us feel valued. So, keep the group small, but the advisory circle wider.

3. Take a walk. Especially if you’re having a one-on-one meeting, consider taking it out of the office. Synchronized activities like walking help people connect. In one study of intergenerational connection, synchronous walking helped young adults develop better impressions of their older counterparts and feel more connected to them. Walking also improves creativity, making walking meetings a win for both connection and productivity.

4. If it has to be big, break it down. I’ve written before about the benefits of making large gatherings more manageable by breaking them down into a series of one-on-ones. We can apply the same logic to meetings. If you have to hold a long meeting and lots of people need to be there, break it up with some paired conversations, allowing attendees to connect with each other more directly.

Finally, remember to respect the room. Start on time. Keep it short. End on time. The best meetings help us connect and still wrap up in time for dinner.